Now I'm pretty sure nobody will ever read this. However...

...I love myself more than even my closest friends think is possible. This is probably the beginning of something... that I will stop doing in a month or so. Anticlimactic? Yeah, I thought so too. But the truth generally isn't very interesting; which is why I've decided to make my entire blog a lie. Nothing you read here is going to be true. Ever. Like even what I just said. Did your head just explode? If so, you're welcome.

So I suppose it's fairly obvious what I'm going to write about here. I've decided to embrace the fact that the Internet is a giant forum for self-important schmucks and become (an even bigger) one myself. Ladies and gents, I give you... THINGS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT, BUT THAT I WILL TELL YOU ABOUT ANYWAY! [raise curtain, smattering of halfhearted applause] It will be just like being stuck on a bus with me when I'm in a good mood. You will be disgusted and annoyed, but you will not be able to switch seats. Actually, that didn't make a whole lot of sense.